Why I Train Has Nothing To Do With Abs

Exercise Stopped Being About Aesthetics

I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently, particularly as I get older, because if I’m being honest, my relationship with exercise now is completely different to what it was in my twenties. Back then, like a lot of people, training was probably much more driven by aesthetics. You wanted to look leaner, stronger, bigger, more athletic, and whilst there’s nothing inherently wrong with that, I think many people eventually realise that the physical changes are only one small part of what exercise can actually give you.

For me now, training has very little to do with abs, beach bodies or trying to become the biggest, strongest or fastest person in the room. I still want to feel healthy, capable and physically fit, of course I do, but the deeper reason I train is because it gives me something that’s become incredibly valuable in both my personal and professional life, which is mental clarity.

The gym isn’t where I go to escape life, it’s where I go to handle it better.

That probably sounds dramatic to some people, but honestly, it’s true.

The Gym Became My Thinking Space

As a business owner, your brain rarely switches off properly. You’re constantly thinking about the next problem, the next task, the next conversation you need to have, the next thing you should improve, whether that’s a website, client systems, content, finances or simply trying to figure out who you really want to help and how you want your business to evolve. Even when you’re technically “off”, your mind often isn’t.

Parenting adds another layer to that as well.

Some mornings can feel chaotic before the day has even properly started. David might not want to get dressed, emotions are all over the place because he’s growing, learning and going through different stages emotionally, and whilst I completely understand that as a parent, it still requires patience and emotional regulation from me regardless of how stressed or overwhelmed I might feel myself. Sometimes you can feel like you’ve already used half your emotional energy before 9am and the work day hasn’t even started yet.

What I’ve noticed over the years is that if I don’t have an outlet for stress, eventually it leaks elsewhere. It affects my patience, my focus, my creativity and sometimes my ability to respond calmly to situations instead of reacting emotionally to them.

That’s where exercise has become so important for me, because training gives me space.

Not just physical space, but mental space.

Ironically, I think part of the reason it works so well is because most of the exercises I do are so familiar now that I barely need to think about them consciously. Whether I’m lifting weights, walking to the gym or training fasted early in the morning, the movements themselves almost become automatic, which frees my brain up to process everything else more clearly.

I can’t even count the amount of times I’ve walked into the gym frustrated about a business problem or avoiding a difficult conversation with a client, only to come out with either a solution or at least a much calmer perspective on how to approach it. Sometimes I’ll even write parts of messages between sets because ideas suddenly become clearer when my head isn’t overloaded with noise and distraction.

Usually, the difficult conversations I build up in my head are nowhere near as bad in reality as I imagined them to be anyway. Exercise helps me slow my thinking down enough to actually approach situations properly instead of emotionally.

What I Think The Fitness Industry Gets Wrong

I genuinely think many people underestimate this side of exercise because the fitness industry has spent years teaching people that movement is primarily about calorie burning, punishment and shrinking yourself for special occasions. Everything becomes about “earning” food, surviving brutal workouts, dropping a dress size before a holiday or desperately trying to lose weight before a wedding.

And honestly, I think that mindset creates a really unhealthy relationship with exercise for a lot of people.

People end up treating movement as punishment for existing rather than something that supports their physical and mental wellbeing long term. They hammer themselves into the ground for six weeks, obsess over the scales, slash calories to unsustainable levels, then feel like failures when life inevitably becomes busy again and they can’t maintain that intensity.

I see it all the time.

What’s interesting is that the people who sustain exercise long term usually aren’t the ones relying purely on body hatred or panic motivation. They’re the people who find a deeper reason to move. Maybe it helps their stress levels. Maybe it improves their confidence. Maybe it gives them structure, routine, discipline or simply one hour where nobody needs something from them.

I think that last part matters more than many people realise, especially for parents and business owners.

Why I Need Exercise More In My Forties

For me personally, training is often my “me time”. It’s one of the few parts of the week where I can reconnect with myself properly without constant noise, demands and distractions. That doesn’t mean I dislike being around people or training socially, because I don’t, but I do value those quieter sessions where I can think, process and mentally reset.

And the irony in all this is that when people stop obsessing over aesthetics and start exercising from a place of self-respect rather than self-punishment, the physical results often improve anyway. Energy improves. Consistency improves. Recovery improves. Sleep often improves. Body composition changes naturally because the approach becomes sustainable instead of extreme.

Approaching my forties, I’ve also realised I need exercise mentally more than I ever did in my twenties. Back then, training was probably more ego-driven if I’m being honest. Now, it’s much more about functionality, stress management, resilience and maintaining the physical and mental capacity to show up properly in my life.

Because when I don’t train for a few days, I notice it.

Not necessarily because I suddenly gain body fat, but because I feel mentally sluggish. My focus drops. My creativity drops. I become more irritable and less patient. It feels like something important is missing.

That’s why I no longer see exercise as an expense, inconvenience or optional extra. For me, it’s become part of maintaining myself properly, in the same way sleep, recovery and nutrition are.

Maybe We Need A Better Reason To Exercise

I also think this is an important message for people who only exercise for one-off occasions. Holidays, weddings, birthdays and reunions are great, but your health has to exist beyond those moments. Your ability to handle stress, think clearly, regulate emotions and physically keep up with life still matters long after the photos have been taken and the event has finished.

So maybe exercise shouldn’t just be about looking different.

Maybe it should also be about thinking differently, responding differently and ultimately becoming a more grounded version of yourself in the process.

That’s certainly what it’s become for me.

So I’m genuinely curious.

Has exercise become something deeper for you over time, or do you still see it primarily as a way to change how you look?

If this article resonated with you and you’re looking for a more sustainable approach to health, fitness and mindset, visit www.jbryantcoaching.com⁠ for more information on new approaches. 

And if you’re currently struggling to balance your health, business, stress levels and lifestyle without falling back into another extreme approach, you can book a free connect call with me HERE