Why Looking After Your Health Helps You Show Up Better For The People Around You

 

One of the biggest misconceptions I see, especially with parents and busy professionals, is the idea that taking time for yourself is somehow selfish.

It might be going to the gym, going for a walk, preparing better food, getting to bed earlier, taking ten minutes to decompress or simply doing something that helps you feel more human again. Whatever it is, there can be this feeling that if you take time for yourself, you are taking time away from your family, your partner, your work or all the other responsibilities that need your attention.

I understand where that comes from, especially as a parent. Your child’s welfare is always important, and of course there are times when their needs come first. That is part of being a parent. The problem comes when putting your child first slowly turns into putting yourself last all of the time.

You can end up doing a hundred things for your child, your family or your work, but not doing the one, two or three basic things that would help you function better yourself. Things like sleep, exercise, nutrition, hydration, stress relief and getting outside start to disappear, and before long you are trying to look after everyone else while running on empty.

That is not sustainable.

The Story Parents Often Tell Themselves

A lot of people tell themselves they do not have time to look after their health.

They do not have time to exercise. They do not have time to cook properly. They do not have time to go for a walk. They do not have time to get to bed earlier. They do not have time to take ten minutes for themselves.

The difficulty is that when you say that often enough, it starts to become the story you live by.

You start seeing all the evidence that proves the story right. You notice the busy mornings, the nursery drop-offs, the school runs, the packed work diary, the evening routine, the washing, the cooking and everything else that needs doing. You see all the reasons why you cannot exercise again, why you cannot prepare a nutritious meal, why you cannot get outside or why you cannot take a little bit of time to clear your head.

The problem is not always that there is genuinely no time. Sometimes the problem is that you are not in a good enough place to see where the opportunities are.

That might sound harsh, but I think it is true for a lot of people. When you are tired, stressed and overwhelmed, even a 15-minute walk can feel like another task. Cooking a nutritious meal can feel like effort. Getting organised the night before can feel like a challenge. So the story continues.

“I do not have time.”

But what if the better question was, “How can I make this work?”

Looking After Yourself Is Not The Same As Being Selfish

There is a difference between being selfish and taking responsibility for your own health.

Being selfish would be deciding that you are going to the gym every day and expecting your partner to always do the nursery drop-offs, the pick-ups, the cooking, the cleaning and everything else, without any discussion or fairness. That is not what I am talking about.

Taking responsibility is different.

Taking responsibility is asking, “What time do I realistically have, and how can I use it well?” It might be a half-hour workout. It might be a 30-minute walk. It might be cooking a nutritious meal. It might be preparing food for the next day. It might be taking ten minutes to decompress so you are not carrying the stress of the day into the evening.

That is not selfish. That is sensible.

It is not about disappearing for hours and expecting everyone else to work around you. It is about making better decisions within the life you actually have. It is about communicating, planning and finding a way that works for everyone, including you.

Because you matter in that equation as well.

What Happens When You Keep Putting Yourself Last?

When someone keeps putting their own health last, it usually starts to show.

It might be weight gain. It might be low energy. It might be feeling sluggish, tired or constantly stressed. It might be poorer food choices because you are grabbing whatever is convenient. It might be losing confidence because you no longer feel like the person you used to be. It can affect your mood, patience, relationship, work and the way you show up at home.

This is where I think people underestimate the long-term cost.

If you keep waiting until life is easier, the child is older, work calms down or everything feels more manageable, years can pass very quickly. It is almost like saying, “When my child is 18, then I will start looking after myself again.” The trouble is that if you leave it that long, you may have spent nearly two decades building habits that are much harder to undo.

That is why small habits now matter so much.

You do not need to completely change your life overnight. You do not need to suddenly train five times a week, eat perfectly and create some unrealistic routine that only works if every day goes to plan. But you do need to start looking for small ways to support yourself.

A 15 to 30-minute walk can make a difference. A nutritious meal can make a difference. Getting outside can make a difference. Going to bed slightly earlier can make a difference. Drinking more water can make a difference.

Small things done consistently can stop you feeling like you are constantly sliding further away from the person you want to be.

Finding A Way That Works For Your Life

A few days into becoming a parent, I remember thinking that I still needed to look after myself.

I knew I needed to move. I knew I needed to train. I knew I needed to stay active because I am a much better person when I do those things. But I also knew my old routine was not going to work in exactly the same way.

Before becoming a parent, I loved training early. I have always been more of a morning gym person than an afternoon gym person. I used to enjoy training around six in the morning, but that does not work in the same way when you have a child and other responsibilities to consider.

So I had to adjust.

For me, that means taking my son to nursery and then going to the gym because I am already halfway there. I train there and then, and that works for me. It also means there is a compromise somewhere else. In my case, my business day starts later, usually around 11 o’clock, because I have built my routine around what helps me function better.

I appreciate that not everyone has that flexibility. If you are in a nine-to-five job, you may not be able to do that. But that does not mean there are no options.

If you get a lunch break, could you go for a 30-minute walk in the fresh air? Could you move away from your desk rather than eating lunch while still working? Could you use that time to break the stress of the day, get some movement in and return feeling better?

It does not always have to be the gym.

Sometimes it just needs to be movement.

Make The Regular Things Easier First

One of the best places to start is by getting more organised with the things that already have to happen.

If your child has to go to nursery or school, can you make that routine smoother? Can you prepare things the night before? Can you make the morning less chaotic? It might not sound exciting, but it can create a bit more breathing room.

Batch cooking is another really useful example.

If you can spend a couple of hours preparing meals for the week, that can save you from spending 30 to 45 minutes every evening deciding what to cook. It can also help the whole family eat better, save money and reduce the stress of constantly making decisions when everyone is tired.

That extra time can then be used differently. It might give one of you the chance to go to the gym. It might give the other person time to decompress. It might mean you both feel less rushed and less stressed. It might simply mean the evening feels a bit easier.

This is where communication matters.

If you are in a relationship, it is not about one person getting to do everything they want while the other person carries the load. It is about working for each other. If your partner wants to go out or do something for themselves and you can look after your child, then that can be part of how you make life work as a team. Equally, if you have a class to teach, a gym session to do or time you need for yourself, then there needs to be a way of making that work fairly as well.

It is not about putting someone else out so you can do what you want.

It is about creating a family routine where both people have the opportunity to feel like themselves.

Remember What You Used To Do Before Life Got On Top Of You

If you feel like you have completely lost yourself, it can help to think back to what you used to do before life became so busy.

Did you go to a yoga class? Did you enjoy the gym? Did you go to an exercise class? Did you play a sport? Did you go for walks? Did you have a social event or activity that made you feel better?

The aim is not necessarily to recreate your old life exactly as it was, because your life may be different now. The aim is to ask, “How can I bring some of that back in a way that works with my life now?”

For me, even when I cannot get to the gym, I will still go for a 15 to 30-minute walk. Sometimes that is to decompress. Sometimes it is to clear my head. Sometimes it is to get some stock of what I want to do for the day. Sometimes it is simply because I do not want to be stuck at a desk all day.

Once I have moved, I usually feel better.

I will even do it when it is tipping down with rain. Not because I particularly enjoy walking in horrible weather, but because I cannot control the weather. I can control whether I move.

That is the choice.

You may not always be able to control the demands of family life, work or the weather, but you can often control the next small decision. You can decide to move. You can decide to prepare a better meal. You can decide to get outside. You can decide to take ten minutes before the day runs away from you.

You Are Better For The People Around You When You Look After Yourself

The reason this matters is not just because exercise is good or healthy food is good.

It matters because when you look after yourself, you are usually in a better mental, physical and emotional state to help the people around you.

If I did not train, move and look after myself, I know I would be a mess. I would have less energy, less patience and less capacity to pick up the slack when it is needed. Because I do look after myself, I am better able to deal with the harder days. I am better able to support my family. I am better able to cope when life becomes more demanding.

That is the part I think more parents need to understand.

Taking time for your health is not time taken away from your family. Done properly, it can be something that helps your family because they get a better version of you.

Not a perfect version.

Just a better one.

Final Thoughts

Taking time for yourself is not selfish.

Expecting everyone else to carry the load while you do whatever you want might be selfish, but that is not what this is about. This is about recognising that your health matters too. It is about understanding that sleep, movement, nutrition, hydration, stress relief and a little bit of time to breathe are not luxuries. They are basic things that help you function better.

If you have been putting yourself last for a long time, do not try to change everything overnight. Start by asking what used to make you feel good and how you can bring a small version of that back into your life now.

• Maybe it is a walk.
• Maybe it is one gym session.
• Maybe it is batch cooking.
• Maybe it is getting to bed earlier.
• Maybe it is having a conversation with your partner about how you can both make time for yourselves without either person feeling like everything has been dumped on them.

Whatever it is, start small and make it work for the life you actually have.

Because you are not looking after yourself instead of your family.

You are looking after yourself so you can show up better for them, and for yourself.

If you want support building healthier habits around family life, work and real-world responsibilities, visit www.jbryantcoaching.com to find out more about my coaching programmes.

The Dangerous Story Keeping You Stuck With Weight Loss

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Why “I Don’t Have Time” Might Be The Reason Nothing Changes⁣

One of the biggest things that keeps people stuck when it comes to weight loss is not always their diet, their exercise plan or even their motivation. Quite often, it is the story they keep telling themselves.⁣

You might say, “I don’t have time to exercise.” You might say, “I don’t have the energy to cook properly.” You might say, “It is too difficult with work, kids, family life and everything else going on.” On the surface, those things can sound completely reasonable, and in many cases, there will be some truth in them. 

Life can be busy. Parenting can be hard. Work can be stressful. Energy can be low.⁣

The problem is that by the time you say those words out loud, there is a good chance you have already said them to yourself internally 20, 30 or 40 times. Eventually, that internal language becomes more than a passing thought. It becomes your story. Once it becomes your story, it starts shaping your behaviour, and once it shapes your behaviour, it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.⁣

It is a bit like someone walking into an exam saying, “I don’t know why I am even doing this because I am going to fail.” If they repeat that story enough times, they are unlikely to prepare properly, unlikely to feel confident and unlikely to perform at their best. Then, if they do fail, it almost proves the story right in their mind.⁣

Weight loss can work in a very similar way.⁣

If you keep telling yourself that you do not have time, eventually you stop looking for time. If you keep telling yourself that it is too difficult, eventually you stop looking for ways to make it easier. If you keep telling yourself that you do not have the motivation, eventually you stop asking what would actually make the goal important enough to act on.⁣

The Story You Tell Yourself Changes The Actions You Take⁣

This is where I think a lot of people underestimate the power of their own language. The words you use with yourself matter because they influence what you believe is possible.⁣

If your story is, “I don’t have time because I have kids,” then your children become the reason you cannot exercise, eat better or look after your health. That does not mean you do not love them or that you are making excuses in a lazy way. It simply means the story you are telling yourself is pointing you in a direction where your health keeps being moved further down the list.⁣

However, if your story changes to, “I need to look after myself because I have kids,” everything feels different. The same responsibilities are still there. The school runs, childcare, work, meals, housework and lack of quiet time have not magically disappeared. What has changed is the meaning you have given those responsibilities.⁣

One story keeps you stuck. The other gives you a reason to act.⁣

This is something I realised very quickly myself after becoming a parent. Within a few days, I remember thinking that I needed to keep looking after myself properly because I wanted to be in the best possible place for my partner and my child. 

At first, that can almost feel selfish because you are taking time for yourself when there are so many other things that need doing. But actually, when you are healthier, fitter, stronger and in a better place mentally, you are usually able to give more to the people around you.⁣

That is a very different mindset from saying, “I don’t have time for this.”⁣

It becomes, “I make time for this because of them.”⁣

Stop Shoulding All Over Yourself⁣

One phrase I think is worth paying attention to is, “I should.”⁣

“I should exercise.”⁣

“I should eat better.”⁣

“I should lose some weight.”⁣

“I should get back into a routine.”⁣

The problem with “should” is that it often carries no real commitment. It sounds like something you know would be good for you, but it does not always create action. It leaves plenty of room for negotiation, delay and justification. 

You can say you should exercise, but then also tell yourself you are tired, too busy or that tomorrow would be a better day to start.⁣

That is why the language often needs to change.⁣

There is a big difference between saying, “I should exercise,” and saying, “I must look after my health because I want to be around, active and energetic for the people who matter to me.”⁣

There is a big difference between saying, “I really could do with losing weight,” and asking, “How can I lose weight, enjoy the process and make it fit into my lifestyle?”⁣

The second version forces you to look for a solution. It does not ignore the challenges of your life, but it does stop you using those challenges as the reason nothing changes.⁣

That is where smarter questions become so important. If you ask a basic question, you often get a basic answer. If the question is simply, “How do I lose weight?” the answer might be to eat less and move more. But that does not tell you whether the approach will fit your life, whether you will enjoy it, whether it will help you feel better or whether you can maintain it in the long term.⁣

A better question creates a better answer.⁣

Start With Something You Already Do Every Day⁣

When people feel stuck, they often assume the answer is to add more. More gym sessions, more cardio, more structure, more rules and more pressure. The problem is that if you already feel like you have no time, adding several new demands into your week can make everything feel even more overwhelming.⁣

That is why, for many people, I would start with nutrition.⁣

Not because exercise does not matter, because of course it does, but because eating is something you are already doing every day. You do not need to find an extra hour just to begin improving your food choices. You can start by changing the quality of what you are already eating.⁣

That might mean reducing the processed crap and focusing more on real food. It might mean swapping white pasta for brown pasta or white bread for brown bread if that is an appropriate step for you. It might mean preparing more nutritious meals, including more protein, adding more vegetables or doing some batch cooking so that better food is ready when life gets busy.⁣

Batch cooking is a really good example because it does not just help your nutrition. It can save time, energy and money as well. If you have food ready to go, you are less likely to rely on whatever is quickest when you are tired, hungry and already feeling stretched.⁣

This is important because once you start eating better, other things often start to improve. You may feel less hungry. You may snack less. You may sleep better. You may feel less stressed because you are not constantly making last-minute decisions around food. You may also start to feel like you have a little more control over your day.⁣

Then the story begins to change.⁣ Instead of saying, “I don’t have time,” you might start thinking, “Actually, I can do this.”⁣

Small Steps Beat All Or Nothing⁣

One of the reasons people struggle with weight loss is because they go from doing very little to trying to change everything at once. They decide that from Monday they are going to train four times a week, eat perfectly, drink more water, sleep better, stop snacking, cook every meal from scratch and completely overhaul their lifestyle.⁣

That might work for a few days, but for most people it becomes too much very quickly.⁣

The issue is not that those habits are bad. Many of them are very good habits. The issue is trying to introduce all of them at the same time, especially when life is already busy. When the plan becomes too difficult, it becomes unenjoyable. When it becomes unenjoyable, motivation drops. Once motivation drops, people often go back to the story they were telling themselves in the first place.⁣

“I knew I didn’t have time.”⁣

“I knew this would be too hard.”⁣

“I knew I wouldn’t stick to it.”⁣

That is why small steps matter. You do not need to change your whole life in a week. You need to build habits that can become part of your lifestyle. That might start with improving one meal, preparing food twice a week, going for a walk after work, training twice instead of four times, or getting to bed slightly earlier.⁣

Once one habit becomes easier, you can add another. That is how you create progress without making life feel impossible.⁣

Waiting For The Right Time Can Make Things Worse⁣

Another mistake people make is waiting for the perfect time to start. They tell themselves they will begin when work calms down, when the kids are older, when they have more energy, when January arrives or when life feels less stressful.⁣

The problem is that life rarely gives you a perfect starting point.⁣

While you are waiting, the habits that are keeping you stuck can become more ingrained. You might gain more weight, lose more fitness, feel more tired and become even more disconnected from the version of yourself you want to be. Then, when you finally decide to act, the whole thing feels much bigger and more overwhelming than it needed to be.⁣

This is why waiting can be dangerous. It feels like you are being sensible because you are waiting for the right time, but in reality, you may simply be delaying the first small step that would make everything easier later on.⁣

You do not need the perfect week to begin looking after your health. You do not need your diary to be empty. You do not need life to be calm. You just need to ask a better question.⁣

“How do I make this work with the life I have now?”⁣

That question is far more useful than waiting for a completely different life to appear.⁣

Change The Story And You Change The Standard⁣

The story you tell yourself eventually becomes the standard you live by. If your story is that you do not have time, your actions will reflect that. If your story is that looking after your health is something you must do because of the people who depend on you, your actions are far more likely to change.⁣

This does not mean pretending life is easy. It does not mean ignoring the fact that parenting, work and family responsibilities can be challenging. It simply means you stop allowing those things to become the reason you do nothing.⁣

You can still be busy and make better food choices.⁣

You can still have children and find small windows for movement.⁣

You can still have responsibilities and decide that your health matters.⁣

You can still start with one small change rather than waiting until you feel ready to change everything.⁣

That is the real shift.⁣

It is not just about time management. It is about identity. It is about becoming the type of person who looks after themselves because they understand the impact it has on their future and the people around them.⁣

Final Thoughts⁣

If you have been telling yourself that you do not have time to lose weight, exercise or look after your health, it might be time to challenge that story.⁣

Instead of saying, “I don’t have time,” ask yourself, “How do I make time?”⁣

Instead of saying, “It is too difficult,” ask yourself, “How do I make this work for me?”⁣

Instead of saying, “I need to lose weight,” ask yourself, “How can I lose weight, enjoy the process and make it fit into my lifestyle?”⁣

Those questions create a completely different starting point. They move you away from excuses and towards solutions. They help you focus on small steps rather than all-or-nothing change. They also remind you that this is not about trying to be perfect for a few weeks. It is about building habits that support the person you want to become.⁣

Your health does not improve because you wait for the perfect time.⁣

It improves because you start changing the story, one decision at a time.⁣

If you are ready to lose weight, improve your energy and build healthier habits in a way that fits around real life, visit www.jbryantcoaching.com to find out more about my coaching programmes.

Summer Is Over, But Your Health Doesn't Have to Wait Until January

The summer holidays are over. The kids are going back to school, normal routines are starting again, the mornings are getting darker and you may have already noticed the evenings drawing in. This is also the point in the year when you might find your motivation to exercise starting to disappear.

Perhaps you spent the spring and early summer training regularly because you had a holiday booked. You wanted to lose some weight, look better, feel more confident or simply feel healthier when you went away. You had something tangible to work towards and a reason to keep going when you didn't particularly feel like exercising.

Then you went on holiday, relaxed and enjoyed yourself. You ate differently, perhaps drank more than usual, exercised less and stepped away from your normal routine. There is nothing necessarily wrong with doing that for a week or two. The problem starts when that summer break quietly turns into your autumn and winter routine.

Why Is It Harder to Stay Motivated to Exercise After Summer?

You may find September surprisingly difficult, especially if you have children. The summer holidays can leave you feeling like you need a holiday yourself, and then suddenly you're back into school runs, work, childcare, after-school activities and everything else that comes with normal family life.

At the same time, the environment around you is changing. It's getting colder, it's darker when you wake up and the evenings are drawing in. Going back outside after you've got home from work can become far less appealing than it was a few months ago.

You might get home, sit down and think, "I really can't be bothered going to the gym tonight." Staying on the sofa feels easier, ordering something convenient feels easier than cooking and watching television gives you an easy way to switch off after a difficult day.

You tell yourself you'll exercise tomorrow instead, but tomorrow can easily become next week. Before long, you've created a completely different routine without ever really deciding to.

You Probably Haven't Decided to Give Up Until January

Most people don't finish their summer holiday and consciously decide they're going to stop looking after themselves for the next four months. It happens gradually, which is why you might not immediately recognise that you're doing it.

You miss a couple of workouts, your food choices become less structured and you start going to bed later. Your energy drops, which makes exercising feel harder, so you exercise even less. Those individual choices start becoming habits, and eventually those habits become your normal routine.

You might then notice your clothes becoming tighter again. You may feel less fit, your energy might not be where it was earlier in the year and you might not be sleeping as well. Eventually, something happens that makes you think, "I've had enough. I need to sort myself out."

For a lot of people, that moment arrives in January. The problem is that by then you've potentially spent three or four months moving in the opposite direction.

The Problem With Waiting Until January to Get Fit

I'm not a big believer in New Year's resolutions. If something is important to your health, why does it suddenly become important because the calendar changes from 31 December to 1 January?

Yet every year, people can find themselves falling into the same cycle. You spend January getting back into exercise and start eating better again. Perhaps you then book your summer holiday and suddenly have another deadline to work towards.

You now have five or six months to lose the weight you've regained and rebuild some of the fitness you've lost. You train hard through the spring, get yourself ready for summer, enjoy your holiday and then gradually stop again.

You can end up spending a large part of every year trying to undo what happened during another part of it. Instead of repeatedly starting and stopping, wouldn't it make more sense to find a way of looking after yourself that changes with your life throughout the year?

Your Autumn and Winter Exercise Routine Can Look Different

Looking after yourself throughout the year doesn't mean doing exactly the same thing throughout the year. Your circumstances change, so your exercise routine can change with them.

There are periods when I can get to the gym more frequently. At other times, my work and family schedule means three sessions a week might be more realistic. If I know three sessions are what I can consistently manage, I'll make those three sessions count rather than worrying about the sessions I can't do.

I might shorten my resistance training sessions slightly while maintaining the intensity. During the winter, I also tend to do more cardio because, with less sunlight and darker days, I know exercise helps me feel better. Training gives me a mental break and provides an escape from everything else happening during the day.

There's also a very practical reason I don't mind doing more cardio when it's cold. I'd rather generate some body heat through exercise than immediately turn the heating up. Your reasons might be completely different, but the principle is the same. Your summer routine might no longer fit your life, so find a version that does.

How Can You Stay Active During Autumn and Winter?

Instead of asking yourself whether you can maintain exactly what you were doing before summer, ask yourself what you can realistically do now. Perhaps you were going to the gym four times a week before your holiday, but three sessions now fit your schedule better. Three good sessions are still three good sessions.

You might also find that your gym gets much busier when students return in September. Rather than using that as a reason not to go, could you train earlier in the morning when it's quieter? Getting up a little earlier might not sound particularly appealing when it's dark outside, but you could have your training finished before you've properly started your working day.

That also means you don't have to rely on finding the motivation to go back out again after work when it's cold, dark and raining. You've already moved, you've done something positive for yourself and you can get on with the rest of your day.

You don't necessarily need four gym sessions either. You could do two or three and find other ways to stay physically active during the week. The important thing is that you don't allow "I can't do what I was doing before" to turn into "I'll do nothing instead."

Make Healthy Eating Easier When Your Energy Is Lower

Exercise is only one part of this because you may also notice your eating habits changing when the weather gets colder and your routine becomes busier. When you're tired and hungry, the easiest option often wins, which is why a little preparation can make such a difference.

I personally eat very little carbohydrate during the day. If I do have carbohydrates, I generally choose wholemeal options, and I tend to have more of them in the evening because that approach works well for me and my sleep. I'm not suggesting you need to eat exactly the same way because you need to find an approach that works for you.

Think instead about how you could make eating well easier. Could you prepare some meals in advance so you've got good food ready when you get home? Could you have some simple, filling meals available rather than relying on whatever is most convenient when you're tired? You could also look at simple things such as whether you're drinking enough water during the day.

You're trying to remove some of the effort involved in making better choices. If every healthy decision requires motivation and willpower, you're making it unnecessarily difficult to maintain those choices when work and family life become busy.

Don't Underestimate Your Sleep

Sleep can easily become part of the same downward cycle. You feel tired, so you don't exercise. You sit in front of the television for longer, perhaps eat later, go to bed later and then wake up tired again. The following day, exercising feels even less appealing and the cycle continues.

This is why I look at exercise, nutrition, sleep and energy as connected rather than treating them as completely separate things. One can influence the others, both positively and negatively.

As the nights draw in, think about how you can use that change to your advantage. Could you start winding down earlier, create a more consistent bedtime or organise your evening so tomorrow morning is easier? These aren't huge changes, but when they become regular habits they can make a considerable difference to how you feel.

Imagine How Different January Could Feel

Now I want you to think a few months ahead and imagine arriving in January having stayed reasonably active throughout autumn and winter. You haven't been perfect, you've enjoyed yourself, you've had meals out, you've had Christmas and there have probably been weeks when you've trained less than you wanted.

But you've kept going. You've maintained much of your fitness, kept some structure around your food, looked after your sleep and continued moving. If you decide in January that you want to push your training or nutrition a little harder, you're already halfway there because you're building on what you've been doing rather than starting again.

Compare that with reaching January after three or four months of doing very little, gradually gaining weight, losing fitness, sleeping badly and waiting until you're so unhappy with how you feel that you're desperate to change. Which version of January would you rather have?

Don't Wait for Another Summer Holiday to Look After Yourself

You don't need a beach holiday booked to justify exercising, and you don't need January to give you permission to start eating better. You also don't need to train perfectly throughout autumn and winter. What matters is that you find something you can continue doing.

If your routine has changed now that summer is over, reassess it. Find the days you can realistically exercise, look at whether a different training time would work better, make your sessions count and prepare food that makes eating well easier. Think about your water intake, your sleep and the other small habits that affect how you feel each day.

If you've already stopped exercising since your summer holiday, don't convince yourself that you've missed your opportunity and might as well wait until January. You can start again now and spend the next few months building habits that make January easier.

Because the best position to be in when January arrives isn't thinking, "I really need to sort myself out." It's being able to look back at the previous four months and realise that you've already been looking after yourself.

If you're struggling to find an exercise, nutrition and lifestyle routine that works around your work, family and everything else you have going on, I can help. My coaching is built around creating an approach that works for you and your life, rather than another short-term fix that you'll struggle to maintain. If you're ready to make a change now rather than waiting until January, visit www.jbryantcoaching.com to find out how I can help.

Why Your Weight Loss Plan Works Monday to Thursday, Then Falls Apart at the Weekend

You start Monday with good intentions. Your meals are planned, you’re making better food choices, you might be training or walking more, and you generally feel like you’re back on track with your weight loss. Tuesday goes well, Wednesday goes well, and by Thursday you’re probably feeling quite pleased with how the week has gone.

Then Friday arrives.

The working week is almost over, you’re tired, and you’ve spent several days keeping on top of work, family life and everything else that needs doing. Somewhere around Friday afternoon, your mindset starts to change. You’ve been good all week, you’re ready to switch off, and suddenly the same rules you’ve been following since Monday don’t seem quite as important.

Friday night becomes a few drinks and a takeaway. Saturday might involve going out, eating whatever you fancy and having more alcohol. Sunday then becomes the recovery day, which can mean convenience food, another takeaway and very little activity.

Monday arrives and you start again.

If this sounds familiar, it could explain why you feel like you’re doing everything right with your weight loss but seeing little to no progress. The problem might not be what you’re doing Monday to Thursday. It could be what happens during the other three days of your week.

The Monday to Thursday Weight Loss Trap

One of the biggest problems I see with weight loss is that people mentally divide their week into two completely different sections. Monday to Thursday becomes the part of the week when they’re “on it”, while Friday to Sunday becomes the weekend, when they give themselves permission to relax the rules.

During those first four days, you might be disciplined with your food, alcohol and exercise. You’re making decisions based on the result you want, but as Friday approaches, you start negotiating with yourself. You tell yourself that you’ve been good all week, that you deserve a few drinks, or that one takeaway isn’t going to hurt because you’ll get back on track on Monday.

The problem isn’t necessarily having a takeaway or enjoying a drink. The problem comes when one decision turns into an entire weekend of completely different behaviours.

If you spend four days creating progress and the following three days undoing it, you can easily end up going nowhere. Repeat that process for weeks or months and it becomes much easier to understand why your weight isn’t changing, despite feeling like you’re doing everything right most of the time.

Why Weight Loss Gets Harder at the Weekend

For many people, Friday represents relief. The working week is finished, or nearly finished, and you can finally switch off from the stresses and responsibilities that have been building throughout the week.

Food and alcohol can easily become part of that process. You’ve had a stressful week, so you have a few drinks to unwind. You don’t want to cook, so you order a takeaway. You’ve been disciplined since Monday, so you convince yourself that you’ve earned the right to let go for a couple of days.

Over time, this can create an association between the weekend and escaping from everything you’ve been trying to achieve during the week. It isn’t necessarily because you lack motivation or willpower. You’ve simply created two different sets of rules for two different parts of your week.

The Monday-to-Thursday version of you is trying to lose weight and improve your health. The Friday-to-Sunday version of you is trying to escape from work, stress and responsibility. When those two versions of you are constantly pulling in opposite directions, making consistent progress becomes much harder.

Can Three Days Really Stop You Losing Weight?

Your body doesn’t know that Saturday is the weekend. It also doesn’t reset everything you’ve eaten and drunk when Monday morning arrives. Your results come from what you consistently do across the entire week, not simply what happens on your best four days.

Imagine that from Monday to Thursday you create a reasonable calorie deficit through your food choices and activity levels. You then significantly increase your intake on Friday, Saturday and Sunday through alcohol, takeaways, meals out, snacks and larger portions.

Those additional calories can quickly reduce or completely remove the deficit you created earlier in the week. Instead of losing weight, you might simply maintain it.

This is where frustration can creep in. You step on the scales and wonder why nothing is happening because you remember all the good decisions you made during the week. You remember the healthy meals, the workouts and the things you turned down.

What you might forget is that your body experienced all seven days, not just the four you’re most proud of.

Do You Need to Give Up Your Social Life to Lose Weight?

This is where weight-loss advice can become unnecessarily restrictive. I don’t believe somebody who enjoys having a drink should automatically be told that they can never drink alcohol again. I also don’t believe you need to stop going to the pub, turn down every meal out or distance yourself from your friends and family.

Instead, you need to understand how your choices affect the result you’re trying to achieve. Once you understand that, you can make an informed decision about what you’re prepared to change.

If you regularly have several alcoholic drinks on Friday and Saturday, for example, you could experiment with replacing some or all of them with zero-alcohol alternatives. I’ve tried plenty of these myself. They’re obviously not identical to drinking alcohol, but some taste surprisingly similar and still allow you to have the experience of sitting down with a drink.

You can still go to the pub. You can still be part of the conversation. You can still enjoy the social occasion. You’ve simply changed what’s in your glass.

That’s very different from believing that losing weight means you have to sit at home while everybody else enjoys themselves.

You Don't Have to Give Up Takeaways Either

The same principle applies to food. A takeaway doesn’t necessarily have to mean ordering the biggest meal you can find and deciding that the entire evening no longer matters.

There are several ways you can approach it differently. You could choose something from the menu that better fits what you’re trying to achieve, change the sides you normally order, reduce the portion, or make your own takeaway-style meal at home.

I do this myself with low-carbohydrate versions of takeaway meals. I might remove the rice, change some of the ingredients and make a few simple adjustments. The meal still looks like a takeaway, tastes like something I genuinely want to eat and gives me the experience I was looking for without needing to completely abandon the way I normally eat.

This is important because if your weight-loss plan constantly makes you feel as though you’re missing out, there’s a good chance you’ll eventually rebel against it. Sustainable weight loss shouldn’t require you to spend the rest of your life wishing you could eat something else.

The goal is to find alternatives and make decisions that you genuinely enjoy while still moving towards the result you want.

Talk to Your Friends and Family About Your Weight Loss Goals

Sometimes the difficult part isn’t turning down the drink or changing what you eat. It’s having the confidence to explain why you’re doing it.

You might worry that your friends will think you’ve changed. You might feel as though you’re going to miss out, or you might be concerned that somebody will question why you’re not drinking, eating the same takeaway or joining in exactly as you used to.

This is where a little bravery can be required.

If you’re serious about changing your health, sometimes you need to be willing to tell the people around you what you’re trying to achieve. You can explain that you still want to go out, spend time with them and enjoy yourself, but you’re making some different decisions because you’re working towards something that matters to you.

The people who genuinely support you should be able to respect that decision. They don’t have to eat the way you eat or make the same choices you make. They simply need to accept that you’re choosing to do something differently.

Once you’ve done that a few times, it can stop feeling unusual. Your friends get used to it, your family gets used to it, and most importantly, you get used to it.

It simply becomes what you do.

What Happens When Your Weekends Start Working With You?

Changing your weekend habits isn’t only about seeing a lower number on the scales. There can be other benefits that start to influence different areas of your life.

If you reduce how much alcohol you drink, for example, you might notice improvements in your sleep. Better sleep can improve your energy and recovery, which might make you more willing to exercise. You could wake up on Saturday or Sunday wanting to train, go for a walk, spend time with your family or actually do something with your day rather than spending half of it recovering from the night before.

The same applies to your food choices. If you’re no longer spending an entire weekend eating foods that leave you feeling sluggish, you might notice that Monday morning feels different as well. Instead of feeling as though you need to recover from the weekend and start another diet, you simply continue with what you were already doing.

This is when something that initially required discipline can gradually become part of your normal way of living.

Sustainable Weight Loss Is About Who You're Becoming

For me, this is where the conversation becomes bigger than calories, takeaways and alcohol.

Think about the person you’re trying to become.

Monday arrives and you behave like that person. You train, make better food choices, look after yourself and make decisions based on where you want to go. You’re building habits that reflect the healthier version of yourself you’re trying to create.

Then Friday arrives and you revert to the person you’re trying to move away from.

You don’t necessarily do this consciously. It can simply be the result of years of associating the weekend with drinking, takeaways, switching off and doing whatever you feel like doing in the moment.

If you repeat that cycle every week, you’re constantly pulling yourself in two different directions.

Sustainable weight loss doesn’t mean being perfect seven days a week. You can have meals out, enjoy a drink, celebrate birthdays, go on holiday and have a social life. There needs to be flexibility because this has to work in the real world.

There is, though, a difference between consciously choosing to enjoy something and using the weekend as permission to abandon everything you’ve been working towards.

What Should You Do Differently This Weekend?

If your weight loss has stalled, don’t automatically assume you need another diet or that you need to eat even less. Instead, look honestly at your entire week.

Think about what happens when Friday arrives. Look at what you eat and drink on Saturday. Consider how Sunday compares with the choices you make earlier in the week. More importantly, ask yourself why those behaviours change.

You might realise that your biggest weight-loss problem isn’t what you’re eating Monday to Thursday. It’s the fact that you’ve convinced yourself that four good days give you permission to do whatever you want for the remaining three.

You don’t need to give up your weekends to lose weight. You don’t need to abandon your friends, stop going out or spend the rest of your life refusing anything you enjoy.

You might simply need the confidence to start making weekend decisions that reflect the person you’re trying to become.

So when Friday arrives and you’re about to make a decision simply because “it’s the weekend”, ask yourself one question:

Does the decision I’m about to make match the person I’m trying to become?

Final Thoughts

Your weekends don’t need to be perfect for you to lose weight. They simply need to stop undoing the progress you’re making during the rest of the week.

You can still enjoy your social life, eat food you enjoy and have a drink if you choose to. The important part is understanding the impact of those decisions and finding an approach you can maintain across all seven days, rather than constantly starting again every Monday.

If you’re struggling to make weight loss work around your career, family and social life, I help people build an approach that fits around real life rather than taking it over.

Find out more about my coaching at J Bryant Coaching