Why Looking After Your Health Helps You Show Up Better For The People Around You

 

One of the biggest misconceptions I see, especially with parents and busy professionals, is the idea that taking time for yourself is somehow selfish.

It might be going to the gym, going for a walk, preparing better food, getting to bed earlier, taking ten minutes to decompress or simply doing something that helps you feel more human again. Whatever it is, there can be this feeling that if you take time for yourself, you are taking time away from your family, your partner, your work or all the other responsibilities that need your attention.

I understand where that comes from, especially as a parent. Your child’s welfare is always important, and of course there are times when their needs come first. That is part of being a parent. The problem comes when putting your child first slowly turns into putting yourself last all of the time.

You can end up doing a hundred things for your child, your family or your work, but not doing the one, two or three basic things that would help you function better yourself. Things like sleep, exercise, nutrition, hydration, stress relief and getting outside start to disappear, and before long you are trying to look after everyone else while running on empty.

That is not sustainable.

The Story Parents Often Tell Themselves

A lot of people tell themselves they do not have time to look after their health.

They do not have time to exercise. They do not have time to cook properly. They do not have time to go for a walk. They do not have time to get to bed earlier. They do not have time to take ten minutes for themselves.

The difficulty is that when you say that often enough, it starts to become the story you live by.

You start seeing all the evidence that proves the story right. You notice the busy mornings, the nursery drop-offs, the school runs, the packed work diary, the evening routine, the washing, the cooking and everything else that needs doing. You see all the reasons why you cannot exercise again, why you cannot prepare a nutritious meal, why you cannot get outside or why you cannot take a little bit of time to clear your head.

The problem is not always that there is genuinely no time. Sometimes the problem is that you are not in a good enough place to see where the opportunities are.

That might sound harsh, but I think it is true for a lot of people. When you are tired, stressed and overwhelmed, even a 15-minute walk can feel like another task. Cooking a nutritious meal can feel like effort. Getting organised the night before can feel like a challenge. So the story continues.

“I do not have time.”

But what if the better question was, “How can I make this work?”

Looking After Yourself Is Not The Same As Being Selfish

There is a difference between being selfish and taking responsibility for your own health.

Being selfish would be deciding that you are going to the gym every day and expecting your partner to always do the nursery drop-offs, the pick-ups, the cooking, the cleaning and everything else, without any discussion or fairness. That is not what I am talking about.

Taking responsibility is different.

Taking responsibility is asking, “What time do I realistically have, and how can I use it well?” It might be a half-hour workout. It might be a 30-minute walk. It might be cooking a nutritious meal. It might be preparing food for the next day. It might be taking ten minutes to decompress so you are not carrying the stress of the day into the evening.

That is not selfish. That is sensible.

It is not about disappearing for hours and expecting everyone else to work around you. It is about making better decisions within the life you actually have. It is about communicating, planning and finding a way that works for everyone, including you.

Because you matter in that equation as well.

What Happens When You Keep Putting Yourself Last?

When someone keeps putting their own health last, it usually starts to show.

It might be weight gain. It might be low energy. It might be feeling sluggish, tired or constantly stressed. It might be poorer food choices because you are grabbing whatever is convenient. It might be losing confidence because you no longer feel like the person you used to be. It can affect your mood, patience, relationship, work and the way you show up at home.

This is where I think people underestimate the long-term cost.

If you keep waiting until life is easier, the child is older, work calms down or everything feels more manageable, years can pass very quickly. It is almost like saying, “When my child is 18, then I will start looking after myself again.” The trouble is that if you leave it that long, you may have spent nearly two decades building habits that are much harder to undo.

That is why small habits now matter so much.

You do not need to completely change your life overnight. You do not need to suddenly train five times a week, eat perfectly and create some unrealistic routine that only works if every day goes to plan. But you do need to start looking for small ways to support yourself.

A 15 to 30-minute walk can make a difference. A nutritious meal can make a difference. Getting outside can make a difference. Going to bed slightly earlier can make a difference. Drinking more water can make a difference.

Small things done consistently can stop you feeling like you are constantly sliding further away from the person you want to be.

Finding A Way That Works For Your Life

A few days into becoming a parent, I remember thinking that I still needed to look after myself.

I knew I needed to move. I knew I needed to train. I knew I needed to stay active because I am a much better person when I do those things. But I also knew my old routine was not going to work in exactly the same way.

Before becoming a parent, I loved training early. I have always been more of a morning gym person than an afternoon gym person. I used to enjoy training around six in the morning, but that does not work in the same way when you have a child and other responsibilities to consider.

So I had to adjust.

For me, that means taking my son to nursery and then going to the gym because I am already halfway there. I train there and then, and that works for me. It also means there is a compromise somewhere else. In my case, my business day starts later, usually around 11 o’clock, because I have built my routine around what helps me function better.

I appreciate that not everyone has that flexibility. If you are in a nine-to-five job, you may not be able to do that. But that does not mean there are no options.

If you get a lunch break, could you go for a 30-minute walk in the fresh air? Could you move away from your desk rather than eating lunch while still working? Could you use that time to break the stress of the day, get some movement in and return feeling better?

It does not always have to be the gym.

Sometimes it just needs to be movement.

Make The Regular Things Easier First

One of the best places to start is by getting more organised with the things that already have to happen.

If your child has to go to nursery or school, can you make that routine smoother? Can you prepare things the night before? Can you make the morning less chaotic? It might not sound exciting, but it can create a bit more breathing room.

Batch cooking is another really useful example.

If you can spend a couple of hours preparing meals for the week, that can save you from spending 30 to 45 minutes every evening deciding what to cook. It can also help the whole family eat better, save money and reduce the stress of constantly making decisions when everyone is tired.

That extra time can then be used differently. It might give one of you the chance to go to the gym. It might give the other person time to decompress. It might mean you both feel less rushed and less stressed. It might simply mean the evening feels a bit easier.

This is where communication matters.

If you are in a relationship, it is not about one person getting to do everything they want while the other person carries the load. It is about working for each other. If your partner wants to go out or do something for themselves and you can look after your child, then that can be part of how you make life work as a team. Equally, if you have a class to teach, a gym session to do or time you need for yourself, then there needs to be a way of making that work fairly as well.

It is not about putting someone else out so you can do what you want.

It is about creating a family routine where both people have the opportunity to feel like themselves.

Remember What You Used To Do Before Life Got On Top Of You

If you feel like you have completely lost yourself, it can help to think back to what you used to do before life became so busy.

Did you go to a yoga class? Did you enjoy the gym? Did you go to an exercise class? Did you play a sport? Did you go for walks? Did you have a social event or activity that made you feel better?

The aim is not necessarily to recreate your old life exactly as it was, because your life may be different now. The aim is to ask, “How can I bring some of that back in a way that works with my life now?”

For me, even when I cannot get to the gym, I will still go for a 15 to 30-minute walk. Sometimes that is to decompress. Sometimes it is to clear my head. Sometimes it is to get some stock of what I want to do for the day. Sometimes it is simply because I do not want to be stuck at a desk all day.

Once I have moved, I usually feel better.

I will even do it when it is tipping down with rain. Not because I particularly enjoy walking in horrible weather, but because I cannot control the weather. I can control whether I move.

That is the choice.

You may not always be able to control the demands of family life, work or the weather, but you can often control the next small decision. You can decide to move. You can decide to prepare a better meal. You can decide to get outside. You can decide to take ten minutes before the day runs away from you.

You Are Better For The People Around You When You Look After Yourself

The reason this matters is not just because exercise is good or healthy food is good.

It matters because when you look after yourself, you are usually in a better mental, physical and emotional state to help the people around you.

If I did not train, move and look after myself, I know I would be a mess. I would have less energy, less patience and less capacity to pick up the slack when it is needed. Because I do look after myself, I am better able to deal with the harder days. I am better able to support my family. I am better able to cope when life becomes more demanding.

That is the part I think more parents need to understand.

Taking time for your health is not time taken away from your family. Done properly, it can be something that helps your family because they get a better version of you.

Not a perfect version.

Just a better one.

Final Thoughts

Taking time for yourself is not selfish.

Expecting everyone else to carry the load while you do whatever you want might be selfish, but that is not what this is about. This is about recognising that your health matters too. It is about understanding that sleep, movement, nutrition, hydration, stress relief and a little bit of time to breathe are not luxuries. They are basic things that help you function better.

If you have been putting yourself last for a long time, do not try to change everything overnight. Start by asking what used to make you feel good and how you can bring a small version of that back into your life now.

• Maybe it is a walk.
• Maybe it is one gym session.
• Maybe it is batch cooking.
• Maybe it is getting to bed earlier.
• Maybe it is having a conversation with your partner about how you can both make time for yourselves without either person feeling like everything has been dumped on them.

Whatever it is, start small and make it work for the life you actually have.

Because you are not looking after yourself instead of your family.

You are looking after yourself so you can show up better for them, and for yourself.

If you want support building healthier habits around family life, work and real-world responsibilities, visit www.jbryantcoaching.com to find out more about my coaching programmes.